Introduction
Due to biological origins and economic circumstances of modern societies sex is way more addictive for masculine bodies because
High levels of testosterone create a very strong push to go and get in one’s body. Female bodies feel something similar building up to ovulation.
Female bodies are made to be more attractive: softer, smaller, more elegant. They are made to feel safe, comfortable, nurturing.
Masculine function in nature as protector and provider (hunter) conditions males to have more of their attention outward.
Feminine function of carrying, birthing and nurturing babies conditions them to be more attentive to their bodies, intuition, subtleties.
Combining Pierre Bourdieu’s theory of social capital says: if you don’t own your capital, someone else takes advantage of it. Our attention & our minds are the most capitalisable assets, especially in digital age. Porn and marketing industry figured pretty early how easy it is to make money on sex: place an attractive woman on screen, and most people’s attention is glued.
The gist of the problem
This problem is massive: while making billions daily on objectification and excessive emphasis on physicality and appearance, porn & commercials are robbing people of fulfilling sexual lives, and as a result of mental and emotinal wellbeing and physical health.
But why is external visual stimulation is so addictive despite the fact that most men realise pretty quickly that it’s unfulfilling and draining, leading to low stamina, difficulties with arousal from real bodies and premature ejaculation?
It’s actually a pretty simple and, in most cases a reversible mechanism. Take a look at this 3-min video for an explanation:
Our brains are a reflection of what we practice: due to neuroplasticity, if we masturbate to imagery for months or years, we have some of the strongest neural pathways related to pleasure firing that way. That means our brains will prioritise getting pleasure that way more and more until eventually we cannot feel it any other way, because due to lack of practice all other pathways have become very weak.
How to recover from the porn addiction and restore healthy body function?
What’s the cure? Correct, practicing the direct route to pleasure. Yes, it may not feel as physically satisfying in the beginning. However, our bodies do love touch and recovery is surprisingly fast in most cases. Around 80% of my clients observe noticeable improvements after 1-2 sessions both with me or practicing on their own.
The problem is really severe: large proportion of men in their 20s have severe sexual dysfunction because of porn and other visual additions. As Vessel Van Der Kolk says: human nature is immensely fascinating because, on one hand, it’s difficult to know that we’re capable of doing horrible things to each other, and on the other - we also have an immense capacity to heal and recover. We’re wired for support, care and win-win social relationships.
My Inner Lover Mastery programme is designed to do exactly that: discovery an immensely nourishing and diverse world of our intimacy.
Conclusion
Although the prevalence of sexual imagery is a very harmful fact of modern life, there is a way to create a protective environment for ourselves and (re)build healthy intimacy. A nourished person (physically and emotionally) does not succumb to addictions (imagery, screens, sweets, food, etc). It is impossible to manipulate it by using fear and lack (of love, beauty, attention). And the vast majority of us have a capacity to create that nourished state for ourselves.
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